"The grass always looks greener on the other side, and the truth is some times it actually is. However, as the novelty fades and your excitment diminishes, you will sadly realize that it is still just grass & its still got to be mowed!"
I call myself the Marriage Doctor, not because I am truly a doctor, but because unlike many of the other marriage counselors that I have encountered, I am truly 100% committed to helping you save your marriage. I promise you that if we work together, and you follow my advice, we will be able to make your marriage well again.
Are you thinking of getting a divorce? Are you thinking of getting married? If you are I encourage you to please talk to me before you do. Our generation is responsible for more divorces and messed up children than any other in the history of this nation. Like my good friend Mrs. Ethel used to say "You young folks nowadays want to play marriage, but you don’t' want to stay marriage!" And she's right. We play it for a little while, and then when things get rough we take our toys and go home. You have to remember something, and ladies this is for you more than anyone else, marriage will not take away or change the things that you don't like about your perspective mate, it will only in time magnify them! My point is if you’re in the market for a new home it is ok to by an old farm house (a fixer-upper). However, when you’re searching for a husband or a wife, settle for only exactly what you want. The adult personality with its many annoying facets is very hard to change. So it is better to be single and occasionally lonely, than to be married to bad company!
The way I see it is that in order for there to be less divorces, there must first be less marriages. Marriage is, and should be the most bonding of all partnerships. It places you on a path that starts out so promising and full of hope. But marriage is more than just love and romance. Like a ship starting its long journey on a day when the sea is calm, the breeze is gentle, and the suns rays mild. Many of the ships passengers are sailing for the first time, and oh the joy and excitement they feel. Their troubles seem a million miles away, and nothing but peace abounds. However, the captain’s face is always stern and care worn, for he understands that the ocean is a sleeping monster, that can rise from its slumber at any moment, and lay waste all that you have.
The captain is married to the sea on which he sails. And he has sailed for many years and experienced many storms, and yet he always sails on... When he is in the midst of a hurricane on the Atlantic Ocean, he does not say to himself, "Oh if only I sailed the Indian Ocean, things would be so much better." Fore he knows that to sail on one ocean, is to sail upon all oceans. Some days the waters are clam, some days they are rough, some times you can steer around the storm, and sometimes it hits you at the worst possible angle. But still the captain loves his bride, and for better or worse he sails her tide. You may think that getting a divorce will allow you to enter into a new relationship that is free from arguments, family problems, and diminishing romance. However, as those of us who have been married for a long time can attest there are no perfect marriages. The only place they exist is in a Hollywood movie! Why, even if you were to move in with your very best friend eventually they would begin to hate their little idiosyncrasies. Even the way they eat their cereal would start to inflame you. For you see, familiarity does breed contempt, and in our contempt we begin to long for something fresh and new. We choose to flee from that which troubles us, and in our flight we encounter another soul who is running from their own set of very similar problems. And then what happens? Crash, you get involved with a soul who seems to be so loving, so passionate, so understanding of your problems. It feels like it must have been sent by God, because you feel once again fulfilled and needed. The novelty of a new romance truly does trick the mind. It awakens feelings that you thought were gone forever, and its powerful opiates sweep you far from your commons senses. You may even think that these strong new feelings are evidence of love. They are not! You may also think that your feelings of anger and resentment, or lack of feelings are a sign that your love has died. It has not! It has only been buried under an avalanche of human problems. But you must awaken, and realize that you are nothing more than a foolish captain dreaming of an ocean on which the waves never roar!
I have been a counselor now for over 25 years. I have also been married for 21 (Actually I have been with Leigh since 1980 (28 years this August). As a husband and a counselor I have come up with some absolutes regarding the institution of marriage:
1. The only people who have marriage problems, are people who are married!
2. When things are going well there is no better way to live than to be married.
3. When things are going bad, marriage magnifies every other problem you are faced with.
4. Beware the beast called the Mid Life Crisis. It will strike you in ways that you could never imagine.
5. There are no happy marriages. There are only marriages in which happy moments occur. The more you focus and work on your marriage, the more happy moments you have.
Special Note: Feel free to call me at 315-789-2071, 315-539-1542, or 315-945-2005, if you would like to make an appointment, or just speak to me over the phone.